"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
