It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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