i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
