Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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