my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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