I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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