Porn is love you can see.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
