taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
