Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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