16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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