Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
