new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
