I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
