Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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