oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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