i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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