I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Holy sore nipples Batman
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A+ Viking dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
