I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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