Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
