get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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