Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
