she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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