I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
