He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
