I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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