This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
