I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
