Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've blown a few things in my day
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
