I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
