Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
