So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
