I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
