my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
