I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
