I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
