there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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