I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
