So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
