plz talk dirty to me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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