How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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