I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
