Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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