Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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