well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
