Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
