and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
