operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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