her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
