After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
