pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well you can't waste a boner
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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