do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
