he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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