I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
