She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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