Screwed.edu
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So much Jack, so little girl.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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