I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
