just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
