she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
