I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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