??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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