he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're a waste of cheezeits
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
