lets start a swedish sibling band together
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
