I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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