I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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