I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
